Underwater.

The holidays are here and joy and cheer abound.  Should be a great time of year, huh?  

Uh huh, not for me.  Not right now at least.  

Why?  

Because I am DROWNING in responsibilities, obligations, shopping lists, fulfilling requests and events and I can’t seem to get ahead.

Since the end of October I’ve traveled a total of 17 days, most of the time with Vivi by myself.  That’s 40% of my time traveling since that first day away from home.  

And on December 18th, we’ll be leaving again for 2 weeks for the holidays.  

Either during or in between the travels, I’ve also attended a bachelorette party, attended a wedding, hosted a baby shower, hosted a dinner party, and hosted thanksgiving.  

Point being, I’m exhausted.  I’m spent.  I’m ready to crawl into a hole for two days with nothing but a giant cheese pizza and SOA on Netflix.  

But now Christmas is here and I’m plagued with the desire/guilt to decorate the house, buy the perfect Christmas gifts and come up with the best Elf on the Shelf displays [ok fine, maybe that last one is a little less critical given that Vivi is only 2].

Now don’t get me wrong – I am so grateful to have the ability to travel for so many occasions.  Hosting my sister-in-law’s baby shower and seeing old friends back in Texas at a wedding were two highlights in particular.  

I was able to spend lots of time with both sides of the family [and, not to brag, but I have the world’s best family].  I wanted to be apart of each and every moment I listed above.  Not only that, but I was enthusiastic about each event.

 There inlays the problem.

I have trouble letting go of things.  I also have trouble saying no.  Not just to events and/or responsibilities, but also to the pressures I place on myself.  So after all this fall’s craziness, I’m now left with a house that’s a mess [not much abnormal there, I guess], zero clean laundry, a foodless pantry, no short-term plan for my blog, lots of disorganization and a completely stressed out and overwhelmed physical feeling.  

Feeling like I’m underwater.

It’s really hard to work and be creative when you feel like that.  And what’s the one thing I really, really, really want to do [after I’ve sat in my hole for two days, of course]?  

I want to work on my blog and share with you!  Create with you!  Inspire you!  Not so easy to do from the bottom of a 30 foot deep lake.

If I had it all worked out, this would be the part of the story where I spell out a solution so brilliant and so simple, I slap myself in the forehead.  But I don’t have it all together right now, so solving my own problems feels like an unattainable goal.  

I guess I could start by politely saying no to events when I’m already overloaded and booked?  But that’s not fun, really.  

I could start relaxing my expectations for myself and my perceived obligations for the family.  But if I could do that, I already would have.  

And so we see how I came to reside in this predicament in the first place.

All is not lost.  

Life will calm again and when it does, I’m sure I’ll find myself remembering fondly the year that I did 92 million things.  I am already so grateful I had the opportunity to go on these wonderful travels and host these wonderful events.  

But now I’ll just have to put my foot down and demand that I give myself what I need right now; relaxed responsibilities, loads of creative blogging time, and a little TLC in form of Jax Teller and his motorcycle-riding gang.  

And I won’t feel an ounce of guilt about it.  

Ahhh, this is what breathing above water feels like again.

You guys – you are the best.  Thank you for letting me share.  Thank you for listening.  You seriously make my world infinitely better!

Stay tuned this Friday for an awesome acrylic desktop calendar DIY!  Creating it has already helped me to let go of some of the overwhelm and I know USING it will help exponentially as well!

PS - In a freakish metaphorical response to this post, mother nature decided to issue the last laugh in the form of a mini flash flood that came about outside the coffee shop where I am writing.  Well-played, mother nature.  Well-played.

All ideas in this post are of my own opinions including mention of companies and/or affiliate sites.  No sponsorships were involved in the creation of this post.  Underwater Hand photograph taken by Patricia Hoffmeester.  Street flooding photographs taken by Meredith Wheeler using an iPhone 5 and edited using the A Beautiful Mess app.