My entire life turned upside down the day Vivi was born and not just in the obvious and happy ways. I went through and came out of trauma and the ensuing aftermath over the course of her first year that I wish on no woman. But I came out of it. I survived. And not only did I survive, but now, I am thriving. This is my story [and Vivi's too]. Please be warned - I talk of some graphic details of the event. If blood is not your thing, you may not want to read this. Thank you for letting me share. You may find Parts 1, 2 and the final installment of this series here.
At 4 am, our family of three was finally moved into our own [private!] room.
I was so hungry and thirsty. So, so hungry. I asked for something to eat and the nurses said my body wasn't ready for food, but I could have some juice.
Apple juice never tasted so good. It tasted almost as good coming up as it did going down. Vomit. All over me and the bed. Gross. After the bed sheets were changed, I drifted back off to sleep.
Around 8 am, I awoke to a crying and hungry Vivi. The nurses put her to my breast and asked how I was feeling. I wanted to say "Ok", but the sounds coming out of my mouth were unintelligible.
I was speaking as if I had had a stroke. Words were not forming. The sounds coming out of my mouth sounded like gibberish. Again, panic.
Not being able to communicate is a very scary thing. Had the whole ordeal somehow given me brain damage?
No, I was experiencing the effects of hemorrhagic shock. A blood transfusion was ordered, stat. When the first was complete, a second transfusion was ordered.
My skin was pale and tinged with yellow. I had no blood in my system to give me any color. I was so weak I could hardly lift my head. I had no milk to give Vivi. She cried - so much. It was heartbreaking, but I had no strength to react.
The 6 in surgical wound in my abdomin throbbed painfully whenever the meds wore off and sent shooting pains up and down my body with the slightest movement.
The nurses kept changing out the pad in my paper underwear, but I'm not really sure why. There was no blood. I had no blood to shed.
A few days later when the catheter was removed, my sweet nurse Christina helped me off the bed to use the bathroom.
As she helped me out of my underwear and I literally peed on her. I didn't even have enough control to stop my bladder! I was so embarrassed; I cried a little and told her I was so sorry. She just said not to worry, worse has happened, and really, it was no big deal.
Seriously, she was such an angel.
As my body slowly began to heal, every new ounce of strength I gained was directed to Vivi.
At the time I didn't realize just how little milk she was getting from me. The poor thing was hungry.
When we tried to nurse it would take 30 minutes or more to get a proper latch. Usually the nurses would have to come in and help.
During one attempt, I started crying because I couldn't seem to get her to latch and I felt like the world's worst mother.
A younger pediatric doctor came in for some tests on Vivi and saw me helplessly crying and tried desperately to assist with the latch. Lactation was not her strength she said (she did not have children of her own), but she tried anyhow. I knew then that Dr. Yeh would be Vivi's doctor.
We stayed in the hospital for 5 days.
The doctors wanted me to stay longer to gain my strength and monitor my progress, but medically, they could not make me stay.
Drew and I decided to take our little family home despite the scary challenges it may bring.
Up until this point, it had just been me and Drew. We had originally asked all our families to wait to fly in until after the birth so that we could have some private family time. I think my mom is still pissed to this day. ;)
In all seriousness, if the tables were turned, I would've wanted to be there if my mom was in the hospital too. Luckily, they arrived to help us transition from the hospital to home.
Our little family - we were finally home.
This post appeared first on Everyday Enthusiastic. All ideas in this post are of my own opinions including any mention of companies and/or affiliate sites. No sponsorships were involved in the creation of this post. Photographs taken by family using an iPhone.